Grief and fear often mirror love. Both possess an array of diverse expressions, timings and approaches. Like love, each can be quite complicated. Not always but they can be. When fear consumes or enters the picture it accelerates things. It can take advantage of our grief, like many of the unkind people I’ve known, who aim to win at any cost. Too often they are not clear in what they are attempting to win, yet thinking they are “winning” if we believe we are cornered or feel we are stuck. Fear works in a similar way. This may fall outside the images we associate with the energy that surrounds our views of love. If we believe the doubts of our fear-based thinking, we may feel isolated and even stuck. If we believe we are stuck or stopped by fear, it can seem that it grows and feels even stronger.
Fear works this way to overwhelm us. It’s a tricky business to change this dynamic or situation for ourselves. It requires us to try something different. To be more creative. Finding new ways to distract ourselves. Ways that are healthy. Like a blind trust fall, we can trust ourselves and believe we will catch ourselves. Thus, don’t stop believing. Keep your light on for self-trust. You can believe you will catch yourself. Remember you can believe in yourself.
Try something new. See the fear for what it is. When you see it and know it for what it is – you will realize it is scared too. It seeks control. Not the kind that is inclusive nor is it all that creative.
Decide you will be patient with your own process. This matters, it matters greatly. This is why deeper breathing is so powerful. It moves us into the patience, the calm, and all the colorful zones of love that we need. When we are trusting our ourselves and our own process to work through the fear and grief — this is a healing process, a learning process, and one that is powerful. Trust your own timing. Tell yourself, “I am doing this well”.
It is essential and important to tell yourself, “I may be feeling afraid or stuck but that’s not the full truth. It’s how I feel. No, this feeling is not a fact.” Telling yourself this over and over again, along with:
“How I feel is not wrong. I am not willing to make myself wrong by assessing my feelings or my states of mind that are harsh, blaming or purely disappointed. I feel what I feel, when I feel it. If I feel stuck that does not make me wrong or weak, nor full of blame and shame. This is a normal response given the events of my life. I am healing myself. This includes any betrayals, rejections or emotional abandonment I have experienced. Those I chose and created, and those given as a lesson by others. This is important. My healing is important. I need space to process this so that I don’t react, speak or make life-changing choices from the fear or grief.”
“The truth is I am learning. I am learning how to heal and let go. Letting go of my fear frees myself to grieve and be honest about what I am feeling and all that I care about. This may require space and time. Part of the learning is to open myself to trust. To trust myself to work through this process. To trust myself when fear enters the picture. To ask for support when I need it. To be clear in what I need. To know that I may miss or even grieve the essence of my energy or enthusiasm that once felt stronger. Knowing I may miss all the ways I remained focused and aligned with my roles and purpose for those roles in a different time of my life. The changes I am experiencing are impactful. I refuse to let fear convince me that I am wrong, defective or stuck at this time. Small progress is progress. Healing requires patience. I am learning to re-write my story and move with what is here today, and ease into my future with more and more love and freedom.”
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Contact Beth Wellesley at firstname.lastname@example.org, 612.824.0454 (o) or 612.325.5104 (m).